Discuss...
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Once again referencing The New Yorker's article about Sheryl Sandberg (http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2011/07/11/110711fa_fact_auletta)... Sheryl says that women, unlike men, encounter tradeoffs between success and likability. Do you feel that you have to be less likable to be successful? Would you rather be likable or successful?
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I do. It is a personal struggle of mine, because i want everyone to like me and don't like to upset people, but I feel like in order to get people to do work you have to be direct. I don't have a good balance of being able to persuade with about being direct or be direct and considered friendly at the same time. It is like the bud light commercial they had a while back - "too soft" and "too hard" ways of ordering the beer. Girls typically bounce from one guardrail to the other.
ReplyDeleteI also tend to get upset with incompetence or inefficiency and have a hard time motivating folks who are struggling with completing work I consider easy. It is often hard to realize that what we are good at is a skill that not everyone possesses.
I want to figure out who to be likeable and successful...any ideas? also, how do you motive workers who aren't competent and how do you know where good is "just good enough"?
I struggle with this as well. A lot of my job is working with research coordinators from medical groups to collect data for my company's research studies. They don't work for me or with me so I don't really have any control over them but I need them to get things done. It is very hard to push them because I need to have a long term working relationship.
ReplyDeleteI also agree with what you say about wanting to be liked. There is so much of a personal aspect to my job. I'm supposed to build relationships with most of these people instead of just get the final product. Even though I am not a sales person, my company sells a product and I represent them so I always have to be aware of how I am perceived.
When i was around 10 years old we used to visit my grandparents in Kentucky. The neighbor kids were a few years older and so they played with my older brother. I wanted desperately to be included, but always felt like an outsider. One time my grandma suggested we make cookies and she sent me down the street to deliver them to the neighbors house. This experience scarred me, I remember it like it was yesterday. As I approached the glass door carrying the plate of cookies and a huge grin plastered across my face I announced "I brought cookies!" All three (brother included) laughed hysterically. It was clear I made a grievous mistake by thinking that cookies would win me acceptance. One even said "She thinks we'll like her because she brought cookies." I'm not sure if that was the pivot point, but I really think it was. From then on I've never tried to make people like me. It's not that I don't care - I do care. I really care, but I can also turn off that switch and move forward. In my job conflict is a necessary part of the growth process. We are striving to constantly improve and because of that there is a healthy tension (sometimes it escalates). Most of the people i work with are middle age men. I have a program team of almost 90. I care that they will take direction from me. I really avoid the question of whether or not they like me - I assume that if we do well as a team, they will respect me and that is far more important than liking me. So the challenge becomes winning people's acceptance of your contribution or your direction. This is a challange that is more difficult for women IMO b/c we tend to allow the question of "do they or will they like me" cloud our thinking. If you have a great idea or set of great ideas you have a responsibility to advocate them. The topic of advocacy is little documented, but very interesting. A person can have a great idea, but if no one agrees then the idea dies. Who's fault is it if a great idea dies - is it the person who didn't successfully "sell it" or the people who didn't "listen." Your answer to that question likely defines your perspective on how you approach leadership and utlimately how much "likability" affects your ability to lead. My two cents.
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